I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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