I don't usually arrange sex via text message
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
