Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
