I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
