Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
