just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
