cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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