my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
