I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i out mim tonsoeep
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