How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
