Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize