so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
