he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
