What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
