So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
