I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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