I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
