Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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