im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
