You smell like a Billy Joel song
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
