Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
