I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
