it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize