Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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