i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
