why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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