i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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