THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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