I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
