We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize