I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I won the penis lottery.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize