Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
