THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
