Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize