dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
