And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
