So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
