So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
