I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this boner is exhausting
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
