it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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