I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
