You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
