I bet he comes in French.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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