8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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