im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
