Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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