Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This house was built for laser tag.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
did i walk over a car last night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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