if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
