I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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