you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
