Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
