This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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