you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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