So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
