woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
