How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
