i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
