That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
