all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
