I got chris browned last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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