Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
