I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
