i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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