my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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