I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
