today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
