I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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