Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
