You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
