Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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